3 quizes coming up!! in the midst of preparing for the quizes, actually, i feel very stress! no idea of how the quizes going to be, how hard the questions will be. i guess this week has been a great challenge for me, especially in my rational understanding of the syllables, emotional-control of his absence, i totally agreed that absence really, truly and madly makes one's heart grow really fonder!!
friday night, i decided not to come back hometown, i just going to stay at home to study, study and study!! but... i guess my stress level is saturating and love sick is really terrible! still, i forced myself to sit down in front of my study table and open my books to read!
on saturday afternoon, it is kinda boring for me to face the books for the whole day. i remembered, there is a youth church service going on in GEPC. i messaged my friend to give me a lift there. in my heart, i am thinking, perhaps a break will release my stress out! the church building is comfortable, cold and nice. everyone begins to pray. i stood at one corner, silently, i prayed. i am first-timer there. besides the friends that i made in the cell group gathering, none of them there know me yet.
the presence of God is really strong there. i uttered my prayers silently in my heart. towards the end of the prayers, the pastor stood up and prayed for some of us. before he started to pray, he asked me what is my name. i answered in a shock manner. he told me that God still remembers my prayers long time ago. he told me that God still remembers my interceeding for that special one in my heart. God still count my tears and my knees. after so long since i graduated from pre-u, i have long ago not receiving such reminder from God. sometimes i really ask myself, i am not worthy for Him to love, why is He stil persist His love on me? i thought my journey with Him is scattered, yet, He repairs.
i am now at the cross-road of many things. everything seems to settle and falling into places in my life. however, when everything is falling into places, my heart gets more fearful. i don't know why. since this year, i have become one that likes to bottle up everything to myself. i rather hide myself in the room and cry out. perhaps, the secret place i have is with Him. i thought this secret is only in me. but He sees. He remembers. He comforts. i really wanting to run back to Him. why is He so near, yet so far? why? why and why?
on sunday morning, i were hestitated wanting to come back klang or not. i know my heart is stumbled and running like a rat if i don't get myself back klang. so, i drove all the way back and yeah, i guess i make a right decision. =) appreciate what we have around us, don't wait till we lost them only appreciate them.
well, i have to stop here. continue to add oil for my up-coming quizes. have a pleasant day everyone!!
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